


Gravity of a black hole

by Sashaya



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, Love, Mentions of Self-destructive Behaviour, Mentions of Sex, Other crewmembers present, Romance, Tattoos, a normal amount of swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 13:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5292179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sashaya/pseuds/Sashaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack has gravity around her, gravity that draws Shepard in. </p>
<p>It’s like encountering a black hole – the awe that comes with something so beautifully destructive and the fear that comes with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gravity of a black hole

**Author's Note:**

> _**Disclaimer:**_ _The characters belong to Bioware._
> 
>  
> 
> Story checked by my wonderful **Nehelena**.

Jack has gravity around her, gravity that draws Shepard in.

Jack uses sex as a weapon, it’s someone’s weakness and she enjoys every second of confusion she can create. (No-one tells her that it’s her weakness as well, that sex connects her to people and sometimes even she needs it.)

Shepard doesn’t play her games. She looks at Jack with understanding, looks at her with strategy forming in her military mind and it makes Jack’s skin crawl.

Shepard wears Cerberus crest on her armor, she looks at Jack like she wants to know what makes her ticks and Jack feels afraid. Sometimes, when she lies alone and there’s nothing to occupy her, she’s afraid. 

It feels a lot like her beginning.

She lashes out and Shepard just takes it, lets Jack choke her and wears the bruises Jack left with no shame. The bruises aren’t a medal that Shepard shows off but she doesn’t hide them and Jack doesn’t want to think about it.

She never holds it against Jack and the biotic wonders, why no-one came after her, no-one wants her head on a platter for hurting their Commander. 

Jack knows – Shepard probably too – almost half of the ship is in love with Shepard. The other half is afraid and it draws Jack even more. It’s like encountering a black hole – the awe that comes with something so beautifully destructive and the fear that comes with it. 

In the beginning, Jack saw Shepard as something replaceable, someone that will pass as all things in her life. In Jack’s eyes, Shepard was weak, unimportant. So easy to kill. She isn’t even a biotic, just a plain old human, simple soldiers with no added perks. A bit like a relic of the past. 

But Shepard charges in without a thought, fights dirty and with no regret. Shepard doesn’t hesitate to pull the trigger, she’s cold like that – Garrus once told Jack about a scientist on Virmire, little lost asari that wanted to leave, she didn’t understand the outcome. Shepard shoot her between the eyes and sneered, left her body to rot on the floor. Garrus’ voice was full of distaste, hesitation even years later, even if he kept repeating that _Shepard did what she had to_. 

Shepard fights because she knows the consequences of laying down her gun, she knows what might happen if she won’t be the one to pull the trigger. Even Jack heard about Akuze. 

Jack can get behind this.

Shepard is a wanderess of a level that Jack hasn’t reached just yet, she doesn’t know how to settle down and breathe. She tried that with Liara and she loved her very much but death changes people, surviving a bodiless funeral breaks asari. Death made Shepard harder, crazier if you listen to her old crew, more suicidal despite knowing already how dying feels. 

Or maybe because she knows the peace that death brings.

Jack is afraid of dying, she’s a survivor, she needs to show them ( _the parents she doesn’t remember, Cerberus, people that thought they could break her_ ) she is alive. Jack is volatile, the biggest unknown, so easy to set off.

Shepard never stops her, doesn’t order her to behave and that’s the level of trust Jack’s not ready to analyze.

People say they’re the same, say it like they want to insult Shepard. They say Jack’s name ( _no, Subject Zero isn’t her name_ ) like it’s the biggest offend and maybe in their precious little worlds it is. But Shepard smiles like a wolf – all teeth and no mercy – and stares them down, looks inside their souls until they are dust at her feet. 

“No, we’re not” Shepard says and Jack doesn’t look away because she knows the ending. “Jack is better”

Miranda snorts inelegantly, so very out of character for Ms. Perfect Cheerleader, and Garrus mutters quiet agreements (repeats all the time: _crazy, she’s crazy, Jack’s just lost_ ). Somehow, Jack misses all of that. 

Shepard becomes her black hole in the middle of her universe. Despite all of this, Shepard is easy to love. 

“Let’s fuck” Jack says, when Shepard ends up in Jack’s ‘space’, like she always do after wandering the ship. Jack sees the uneasiness under the commander’s skin, feels the crackling energy and she wants to touch, to be the outlet for the growing outburst. 

Sex is easy, sex is the closest to love Jack knows. Or so Miranda says.

Shepard smiles like a wolf – it’s a face Jack starts to love. It always means something else, but it’s always a promise that Jack won’t regret. 

“No thanks” Shepard says. Somehow, it doesn’t sound like rejection. 

“But I can eat” Shepard adds and for a second Jack doesn’t understand.

When she does, she laughs and Shepard’s face morphs into something softer (something Jack should hate but can’t).

It’s easy after that.

It’s not a beautiful love story with a Happily Ever After (not that Jack ever learnt them, never knew the Fairy Tales of Old), Jack makes sure not to get attached. Sometimes, she joins Shepard on missions – it’s rare, despite Shepard’s military knowledge of using biotics in battles, she rarely takes them with her, prefers the ole’ ‘fists and guns’ show – and Jack watches her lover charge in head-first like she’s invincible. She watches Shepard shoot and kill, fight and plan until she’s barely standing and there’s blood on her armor (sometimes Jack ignores that the red’s coming from underneath, it’s not a battle paint made of their enemies). 

Jack doesn’t regret it all – joining Shepard on a suicide mission, following the madwoman into the fire and beyond. She doesn’t regret the silver bond between them. 

She just doesn’t like how often Shepard ends up in medical. 

“If you like needles so much” Jack mutters bitterly. She’s sitting on a med-bed in front of grunting Shepard. Karin is patching her up, muttering about commanders that never learn. 

It’s the third time this week that Shepard ends up with bullet wound and Karin insists on using the old method of needles and stitches because she doesn’t want to use ‘the good stuff’ on a lost cause. 

They all hope this might help Shepard learn. So far, without hope. 

“If you like needless so much, I’ll give you a tat” Jack repeats, when Shepard looks up at her. “Old school. Needles and ink type”

Shepard lights up, looks completely thrilled and Jack’d think this is a bad idea but she’s been thinking about it for the longest time now. 

Karin shoots Jack a glare and flicks Shepard’s ear for moving.

“Children” she mutters but both lunatics see her fond smile. 

“Sure, yes, okay” Shepard babbles and Jack rolls her eyes at Shepard’s eagerness. She looks like a puppy and she always behave like that when a new gun is given to her. 

Shepard is a madwoman with the biggest gun in the galaxy and violent, suicidal streak and Jack wonders who thought that’d be a good idea. 

“Shut up” Jack says. It’s not soft, caring. She knows that she doesn’t sound like Liara (they met on Illium and she’s sometimes present when Shepard chats with her on a vid). Though, Shepard knows it’s love. “Later we’ll design it. Now be less of a nuisance to the good doctor and I’ll go harass Garrus for some ink”

Jack leaves a beaming Shepard and a chuckling Karin behind. She already knows the perfect design.

 

 

Black wings takes over Shepard’s back and the feathers are dipped in red in the end. It looks like Shepard will take off any second, like her ever wandering self could just fly into the darkness.

Jack can’t only stare. Watching through the glass was never her style. She has to touch and her fingers trail over Shepard’s spine. She pulls Shepard closer, puts her arms around the stubborn commander like she’s making sure she won’t fly away (or at least will take Jack with her, even if Jack will never say that out-loud, won’t ever acknowledge the thought) and kisses the scar at the back of her neck. 

“You should steal Garrus’ Archangel title” Jack says into Shepard’s skin. “He has nothing on you”

“No, thanks” Shepard says and it’s easy to hear her smile. People think that Shepard is always cold and unmoving, they never see the brighter side of her and Jack’s okay with that. “Archangel sounds too much like bullshit” 

Jack laughs at that.

“Don’t let Vakarian hear you – you’ll hurt his precious ego” she chuckles. “Then what? Angel of Death? Or maybe Guardian of the Galaxy? It's gotta be poetic!”

“What about just Shepard?” Shepard asks with happiness in her voice. “It’s difficult to remember all your names, my ship-rats. Don’t add to my misery”

Jack hits her shoulder and breath leaves Shepard. She didn’t expect that and it makes Jack sadistically proud. 

“Ass” Jack says. She’s not sorry there’ll be a new bruise blooming on Shepard’s skin. At least, Jack will know the origins of this one. 

They’re not together because they’re soft.

“You like my ass” Shepard grins and Jack rolls her eyes. 

“And they say I’m the uncivilized one”

“Shut up” Shepard turns and kisses her deeply, like she wants to suck Jack’s soul from her. 

 

 

Later, Jack makes sure to kiss every feather on Shepard’s back. Shepard can’t say she minds.

Later, Jack falls asleep and sleepily mutters about moving feathers.

Shepard can’t say, she doesn’t love it.


End file.
